Have you ever noticed how enthusiasm and affection between two people can diminish as time goes on? Whether it is a romance, camaraderie, or a work relationship, often the air goes right out of your sails, apparently for no reason.
But normally, it's not without cause. It's most often because of the emotional cancer of resentment. However mild or severe, resentment can erode a relationship. Simply because it is so subtle in the beginning, you seldom notice as it slowly destroys closeness and trust and, lastly, love.
What causes the cancer to spread? It's sacrifice, doing something for someone else that you do not really want to do, which is motivated by the fear of what will occur if you do not do it.
Generally, our culture confuses sacrifice with love, showing us the virtue of loving others more than ourselves. So we attempt to demonstrate or prove love with sacrifice, and get upset or feel unloved if others will not sacrifice for us.
However sacrifice is actually a wheel that crushes everybody who gets on it. It goes like this:
1. If you sacrifice you have...
2. An unspoken expectancy that creates hidden agendas, but, you get...
3. Disappointed because they fail to fulfill their end of the bargain so, you grow to be...
4. Resentful, perhaps angry, leading inevitably to...
5. Guilt, so the very best way to atone for your guilt would be to...
6. Sacrifice some a lot more to prove what a fantastic and loving person you really are. And 'round and 'round you go on the wheel of sacrifice.
You could be wondering if we think it's ever okay to give. Of course! Real service, or real giving, has no strings attached and expects absolutely nothing in return later. The reward is inside the experience of the giving itself.
When you see you've been sacrificing, how would you get off this vicious circle? Three ways:
1. Use forgiveness to heal your guilty thoughts and feelings.
2. Quit sacrificing and create a new understanding within your relationships that sacrifice is toxic. Come to an agreement not to do it anymore or expect other people to do it for you, which indicates you have the freedom to say no without the loss of love.
3. Make very clear requests and express explicit expectations. Can you imagine what your relationships could be like if no one sacrificed, but did only what they needed to do? The folks you love and who adore you would be in your life simply because they genuinely chose to be there, not because they felt it was expected or it was what they were "supposed" to do.
Because sacrifice is so deeply ingrained in our culture, you might experience resistance as you think about what you are reading here. But we inspire you to experiment.
When you can't get yourself and your mate out of this rut, start anew. Try to find free dating sites online. Try your luck in any dating chat rooms to see if you connect with somebody new. Search: free dating chatting.
Practice the fine art of being accurate to yourself along with the partnerships you develop.
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